Direction In Art

An Art of the Heat Matter:

Right now the thoughts that are rushing through my head are questions and concerns.
To get down to the heart of it; I'm trying to figure out, and am asking God to show me the balance between using my talents and gifts to make money, and using them as a ministry. I've never really believed that ministry and making money are supposed to go hand in hand. Actually I seem to be quite a separatist when it comes to this topic. Because, I am the "go hard" kind of person, when it comes to beliefs. I don't like mediocre. I don't like inbetweens. Give me sit and I will sit, give me run and I will run, but please don't give me jog. Yeah, that kind of person. And for me it's not really a physical thing with me, as it is a mental thing. It's because I want to be able to be passionate about someone or something, to give my heart to it.
So, right now I'm asking God. "What would you have me do?"
The world pushes careers, the world pushes jobs, the world pushes 'making something of yourself'.
I'm not too taken in by it's lies, or by the pressure to 'make something of myself' or 'promoting myself' at this time. But I am a bit concerned when it comes down to what disgraces God and what wastes my talents.
I suppose I believe that Talent and Gift are actually two different things/categories. Sometimes a person's talent is also their spiritual gift, but not always. I want to use the gifts I've been given to glorify God.
I just don't want to slip up. I don't want to sell out on 'giving it all' on a few bucks, or any amount!
I don't know about you, but I put up dividers in my creativity. And right now I'm trying to figure out, what dividers are of God, and which ones I've put up based on false evidence, fear, or laziness.
You see, I've always thought that if I used something I have given to God, or has been personal between me and God, for my own gain, or on stage, than it's like I've failed.. But more curious, is the fact that I'm cautious in sharing some of my God given gifts with others who are 'skill' minded. First reason being, In the past...I've not tried to be 'talented', or 'skilled' in my worship, and I don't plan on 'making my worship skilled'. I just want it to be 'God focused', and not 'my ability focused'. And also, I think it's because I don't want to use anything that I find to be my form of worship, and sell it, market it, or draw attention to myself with it. Make sense? I don't want to 'do' for the eyes of man firstly, but for the eyes of God.
But then again, I am in a pickle, because I want to share the gifts God's given me to serve. It's nice to have a special form of worship, or some worship that is only between me and God. But, I need to reach out beyond that line as well. Am I prepared? Am I ready? Am I willing; on a bigger scale?
God you know what you have created me for. You know my personality, my talents, my gifts, and everything that I hope for. Please put me where You'd have me. Please lead me according to Your world, and Your will.
I know that God gives freely. He has given to us all freely. I want to also want to share with others about Him freely...It's been my dream, my hope. But sometimes I know we have to walk beyond our own plans, and do what we have to do. I just don't want to let God down, I don't want to get caught up and become the center of attention. Please Lord, guide me in the balance.
I just don't see how anyone who wants to really serve the Lord, can be satisfied with going to work every day doing something they don't enjoy doing, for the sake of money.  Even if I liked what I do, I still have a wall up towards a future of using my gifts for a career. And I'm aware it's made up of many elements. Personality, Fear, Laziness, and strong will. I just want to serve God, and do good in His sight .I must have been made of ministry, because I don't see how I could be happy not being able to 'go hard for Christ' in whatever I do.   But I don't want to box myself in, and tell myself  "things must only be this way" in order for me to share what God has given me.

The truth is we all need guidance. No matter how well we think we have things under control, or know what we want in life...We could all freak up our lives, if we aren't in submission to God. I plan to pray even more about this sort of thing. To pray what "God" would like for my life. Just because I may "think" things should be a particular way, doesn't mean that I have it all together. The scripture says "Trust in the 'Lord' with all your heart, and 'lean not' on 'your own' 'understanding'. In all your ways, 'acknowledge Him...and He shall direct Your paths...Direct my Paths Lord. I belong to You.

And I pray also Christ will calm your own fears, doubts, and fill you with courage. May He guide you, as you seek His will..  God knows the very center/ the heart of every individual. He has given many amazing gifts and talents to many amazing people. I pray You will let Him use you as well.