Summer...I love the word. I means sunshine, it means free time, it means memories of sharing in fun activities with friends. The other day I thought about, and it really would be a cute girl's name, so I'll just store that thought away for a future date ;-).
It's strange how everyone's mind's work so differently. Everyone has their habits, their tastes, their memories. One activity can mean so many different things to so many different people.
Blogging for me has always been such a introverted way of reveling a full brain from heavy thoughts, whether those be that of inspiration or my attempt to turn myself right way round. Some of us may talk to ourselves through our posts more than any audience, and other write with the purpose of reaching people at the forefront of their minds. I suppose the seasons bring various purposes, but I know for me there will always been a dominating force behind my vents, and that it is "memories"...besides my faith in the Lord, I suppose it is memories that have the most powerful effect one me.
It took me a good many years to realize that memories, though they may be recollections of actual events we've gone through, can in fact have too much power, a power that 'we' actually give them.
Memories are shadows, and not a living being...they don't have 'souls'...and yet, how is it that they can live on forever in our minds? and still effect us even after the people and things in them have long gone or been buried?
I still do not completely understand why memory, to such an extent, was created. I mean, yeah, it's nice to recall the good things that the Lord has done for us, and remember the lessons we've learned so not to make the same mistakes, but I don't know if this is only a plague of especially visual people...but surely there isn't a need to visually recreate every memory? To see things as photographs would at least be easier, to recall feelings only when necessary would be even better...but there are just some pains that leave a permanent mark, and some joys that remain engraved in our minds. And for some, one sort of memory will out weigh the other...
Interesting enough, I find that last summer was one of the most memorable summers of my life. And though this one was pleasant enough, I feel it shall probably be forgotten as a whole.
Perhaps it is because last summer was so big, or that I worked more this summer than some summers.
Every day I was cleaning...and there's not much remarkable to recall in that business ;P
But the weekends were vibrant in there own way; Nights at the Rathskeller, (a hang out) full of friends. Blanket forts, light saber battles, lego creations, board games, hide and seek, shopping trips with my Mom to quaint local stores, a rides down the river in a tube, and playing with kittens. It was full of moments in which I relived parts of my childhood. And I guess it's good, as it prepares me for the future, when I may not get many chances to relive those carefree and imaginative days.
But it's interesting how blank my mind seems. How despite all the good times I've had, my brain seems less clingy than ever. And it makes me think that perhaps God has done some healing in my own life. Memories are great, the good and the bad have their place...but it's nice not to feel so stuck in them, and immovable...It's good to be free to walk into what the future brings, and the approaching season of my life.
I guess God knew I needed a "light one", a time to focus on little frivolous things, like costumes and chocolate covered coffee beans lol. But I know that those things cannot fill, I know that they are for a season. Doesn't mean I will quit being me, or quit enjoying the things that stir my imagination...it's just I know that that is not all there is for my life. Big things are ahead, but I sit in the passenger seat and take it easy on this drive. God's got the wheel, and I'm just gonna chill and keep my eyes on the road.
As some of my friends head back to school, and the air seems to grow a bit chillier, I won't say it doesn't make me a bit solemn. I've loved the free spirited summer camaraderie, and regret not taking more time to step out in the sun and enjoy nature.
I'm ready for some "re-charge time" for my soul. I'm ready to invest in even deeper things.
And I guess it's rather ridiculous how much time I've wasted thinking that I have to 'sit in my room' to get closer to God, and hear His voice. I've neglected to see that my door to His world has been right out my own door, and if only I had spent more sunny days walking with him "in the garden" and letting his creation usher His presence into mind.
Oh Great Lion, Oh Creator, if only a few moments we would dare walk on the path to where you are, we would find you are closer than we at first imagined.
So yeah, I took a walk outside today. Thinking about how everything I can think to do is so earthly and not nearly "reviving" enough to my soul. The money I've made cleaning has been spent, the days with friends have been spent focusing on entertainment, and when it's all stripped away I find myself thinking about the things eternal. Have I invested enough spiritually? What have I accomplished, truly?
I took a stroll by our apple orchard and examined the small fruit on the trees...some of the apples were rotting before they fully matured. And it made me think about my own "fruit", my "gifts" and the time I've been given...I don't want the fruit to rot on the tree.
"Ah, Please, Lord, mature my fruit. Water Me, and increase my usefulness for your Kingdom's purpose."
Candy is sweet, and so is pure fun, but it is really filler and I need meat to grow. There are those seasons when it feels like we're starving spiritually or emotionally, and the drought has come. Those hard seasons of toil, doubt, and petitions...last winter felt like one of those. But, now I feel like I'm sitting at the table. My friends have sat here by my side, and the Father sits here with us...And it's as if the King turns to us and says "My friends, eat and see".
So we pick up our forks, pass the plates, and dig in. And yet, despite how good the food tastes, it still never fills our stomachs. We stuff our faces, and yet the eating grows old, as our vessels remain empty.
After so long, we turn to Christ at the head of the table with questioning looks upon our faces.
And He smiles at us, with a knowing stare, and open's wide his arms. "Now...eat of me".
And in that moment we know the words for more than words, we have experienced what it is like to eat even of the good, and not be filled. For surely, if we eat of him we will never go hungry (be empty), if we drink of Him, we will never be thirsty (lacking refreshment). He says "I am the bread of life."
His words ring in my ear "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."
"Lord, teach us how to remain in you. Every hour, every day. To be mindful of you always, and in all we do, to honor you. It can be difficult to remain, as you know...so many distractions, so many other places we try to fill our hearts, but I know that what is most important is not in finishing my work, nor increasing my play...but growing in you every day. So fill my mind, and be by my side, whether I be out on the town, watching a movie, or having lunch...in all I do, I can grow closer to You, if only I am abiding in You."
So if you don't see me on Facebook for a few days, or using my phone...I just want to take some time to re-focus, and recharge.
I love my friends, I love my hobbies, but I know that it God that makes these things great...and I need even more of Him if I want to make a difference in this life.
"Increase in Me, Father. Increase."
