The Ache of Worship : An Admonition

So today God has put on my heart the topic of worship...
What does 'worshiping God' really mean to us? Do we really worship God?
If worship means to "have excessive admiration"...what is it that we have excessive admiration for?
What consumes our thoughts, fills our conversations, and drives us? 

I've always been what you could call a "worshiper" at heart. From a young child I have always found peace and enjoyment in singing to the Lord and singing about the Lord.  It is my call and passion to be used by the Lord in a ministry of "song". 
Thought often times I feel as if there is so much that would like to side track me from being confident and used, even as I say that I can feel the tug. But, anyone that knows me and loves me will see that I come alive when I worship my "first love" and the "lover of my soul". And I know that whoever desires to have my hand one day, will have to know where to find my heart...for it will be before the throne of God, either writing or playing song to Him. 

Anyhow, let it be known there are other ways in which we can "worship", because basically the way that we 'worship God' is by "proclaiming His goodness". We can do that in many ways, but there is "special power" and the Lord greatly delights in music, singing, and in us making melody to him...Take these scriptures for example:

"Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!" Psalm 150:1-6

"Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land." Psalm 95:1-6

"Oh sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth! Sing to the Lord, bless his name; tell of his salvation from day to day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens." Psalm 96:1-9

"Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre!" Psalm 149:3

"Give thanks to the Lord with the lyre; make melody to him with the harp of ten strings! Sing to him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts." Psalm 33:2-3

As we read we are encouraged to praise God freely with instruments, with our voices, in dance, and with exclamations. And though there is a time and place for all things, (A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance Ecc 3:4) I find that most times where worship is mentioned in the psalms there is a lot of "exclamation marks"...and boldness. Lots of boldness.

I believe that there is a great ache in the heart of God to hear worship from his sons and daughters, but silence echoes not only in the halls but in the hearts of the children of the King. Where are the men who are bold enough to stand and declare the greatness of the Creator and their allegiance to this King of Kings? Where are the maidens who out of a love for the Maker of Heaven and Earth dance before His throne? Has fear struck the hearts of the King's subjects? Where are the messengers of the Lord? Are we too afraid to declare Him? 

I find that the true heart of the matter is a lack of passion for the Lord. It is not that we are not "worshiping" in some respect...it is just that we are "worshiping" other things. We have a great passion for the things we know better than He. The Lord has not become real enough to us, or we have not yet tasted of His goodness towards us. What has the Lord done for you? Has He not reached down and saved you from your own self and sin? Where would you be without Him? Is He not deserving of your praise? He has loved You with a GREAT love, a love that saw no bounds. It is by recognizing how much He has loved you and wants to love you, that you are able to respond with a heart of love and love Him back. This is a great key to worship. We cannot feel admiration for that which we do not believe is good, of for that which has not truly touched us by it's greatness.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy"....Psalm 103: 1-4

There are idols in our hearts...And it is not that these things we admire are inherently "bad" or "evil", it is just that we "know them" and have overflowing admiration for them more than God. 
To some it may be video games, to others movies, to some people, even...

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.  Matthew 10:37-39
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' Matthew 22:37
It is hard for the Lord to take His rightful place in a generation that has "many loves". I often find my heart stubborn and crowded by the wave of excitement for other things and for people, but after all...what am I here for? I am here by God, and for God.

A very touchy subject would be that there is a lot of FEAR in worship today. We fear too much what other people think of us. We are more "focused" on how we appear to others, than on how we appear to God.
God is high above us all, looking down reaching out His hand...and we fear reaching for His own. 

"Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the Lord!" Psalm 134:2

"Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven" Lam 3:41

"I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah" - Psalm 143:6
If you prepare your heart, you will stretch out your hands toward him. Job 11:13

We fear emotion, like it's the plague. As if God never created our emotions in the first place. Pssh.
How will we ever be able to rise above our own self centered-ness and touch others, if we are afraid to be "emotional?" Can we deny that we having feelings? And they are the root of who we are? There is an imbalance amongst us. Surely worship is not just about emotion, it is about truth...it is about declaring the truth about God that we have learned and experienced, but unless we allow ourselves to "feel" about  and for God, we will never worship Him in freedom.
Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 

God says "I want to let you experience my love...but you are not ready for it. For surely you would not be able to stand in my presence, for the "weight" of me would be too much for you to take. There is so much of my love that if I were to lay it all on you as a substance, you would drown in it.
But be not afraid, neither fear...For I reach forth my hand to pull you closer to myself. Perfect love casts out fear. Be not afraid of my love, for it will change you for the better, and make you stronger, wiser, more confident, and of greater use to others."

Is there an ache in your heart to worship the Lord? There is an ache in the Lord's heart to meet you and touch you in worship in a way you haven't yet experienced. So do not worship in ritual alone, do not worship as if it were a dance that is choreographed to be followed...worship the Lord from your own heart, and declare how it is "you" feel about Him and what "you" admire about Him. This may sound strange, but worship must be from your own heart, for many worship the Lord not sincerely. He doesn't ask for you to pretend, or to put on a show, but He does require for you to place your eyes on Him and stop fearing what others think or focusing on "their worship". And if His goodness moves you to dance, if His goodness moves you to shout aloud, and you do not obey His Spirit, than you are not satisfying the Lord. 
He doesn't ask for us to be puppets on strings, nor statues who stand in fear of following man's book of rules and traditions. He tells us not to fear Man, but to fear Him. And also in -  Matthew 18:3 "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." 
And children run to their parents with open arms, do they not? They reach up to their Father to be picked up. And this is exactly what our relationship with the Lord can look like. We raise our hands to be "picked up" by Him. And also to praise Him, as those in bible times would also wave banners and palm branches. (John 12:13) 

The Lord awaites to hear your song, to hear your voice. Have you told Him you love Him today? He wants to hear it from you. He waits up as a lover does in anticipation to hear from you. He says He loves you, and thinks the best of you. Can you think of how to respond in admiration? The greatest being in the Universe and beyond waits to hear from you. He says, "Come, beloved one. Lean not unto they own understanding. Acknowledge me...and come before my throne. There is nothing that stands between to hinder you from coming and speaking to me".

But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. John 4:3

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Cor 3:17

Lastly, there is a lack of feeling and passion for the Lord, 'because' there is a lack of the Holy Ghost moving amongst hearts. May we not dare worship and live without His Spirit in Us. For the Spirit speaks of God and not of Himself and carries out prayers and words up to Him. Rom 8:26 says the Spirit intercedes for us.

God, stir in us a desire to bring before you the sacrifices of worship that you desire. We come, arms wide and hearts surrendered...in awe of the one who "gave it all".

Summer Thoughts

Summer...I love the word. I means sunshine, it means free time, it means memories of sharing in fun activities with friends. The other day I thought about, and it really would be a cute girl's name, so I'll just store that thought away for a future date ;-).

It's strange how everyone's mind's work so differently. Everyone has their habits, their tastes, their memories. One activity can mean so many different things to so many different people.
Blogging for me has always been such a introverted way of reveling a full brain from heavy thoughts, whether those be that of inspiration or my attempt to turn myself right way round. Some of us may talk to ourselves through our posts more than any audience, and other write with the purpose of reaching people at the forefront of their minds. I suppose the seasons bring various purposes, but I know for me there will always been a dominating force behind my vents, and that it is "memories"...besides my faith in the Lord, I suppose it is memories that have the most powerful effect one me.

It took me a good many years to realize that memories, though they may be recollections of actual events we've gone through, can in fact have too much power, a power that 'we' actually give them.
Memories are shadows, and not a living being...they don't have 'souls'...and yet, how is it that they can live on forever in our minds? and still effect us even after the people and things in them have long gone or been buried?

I still do not completely understand why memory, to such an extent, was created. I mean, yeah, it's nice to recall the good things that the Lord has done for us, and remember the lessons we've learned so not to make the same mistakes, but I don't know if this is only a plague of especially visual people...but surely there isn't a need to visually recreate every memory? To see things as photographs would at least be easier, to recall feelings only when necessary would be even better...but there are just some pains that leave a permanent mark, and some joys that remain engraved in our minds. And for some, one sort of memory will out weigh the other...

Interesting enough, I find that last summer was one of the most memorable summers of my life. And though this one was pleasant enough, I feel it shall probably be forgotten as a whole.
Perhaps it is because last summer was so big, or that I worked more this summer than some summers.
Every day I was cleaning...and there's not much remarkable to recall in that business ;P
But the weekends were vibrant in there own way; Nights at the Rathskeller, (a hang out) full of friends. Blanket forts, light saber battles, lego creations, board games, hide and seek, shopping trips with my Mom to quaint local stores, a rides down the river in a tube, and playing with kittens. It was full of moments in which I relived parts of my childhood. And I guess it's good, as it prepares me for the future, when I may not get many chances to relive those carefree and imaginative days.

But it's interesting how blank my mind seems. How despite all the good times I've had, my brain seems less clingy than ever. And it makes me think that perhaps God has done some healing in my own life. Memories are great, the good and the bad have their place...but it's nice not to feel so stuck in them, and immovable...It's good to be free to walk into what the future brings, and the approaching season of my life.

I guess God knew I needed a "light one", a time to focus on little frivolous things, like costumes and chocolate covered coffee beans lol. But I know that those things cannot fill, I know that they are for a season. Doesn't mean I will quit being me, or quit enjoying the things that stir my imagination...it's just I know that that is not all there is for my life. Big things are ahead, but I sit in the passenger seat and take it easy on this drive. God's got the wheel, and I'm just gonna chill and keep my eyes on the road.

As some of my friends head back to school, and the air seems to grow a bit chillier, I won't say it doesn't make me a bit solemn. I've loved the free spirited summer camaraderie, and regret not taking more time to step out in the sun and enjoy nature.
I'm ready for some "re-charge time" for my soul. I'm ready to invest in even deeper things.
And I guess it's rather ridiculous how much time I've wasted thinking that I have to 'sit in my room' to get closer to God, and hear His voice. I've neglected to see that my door to His world has been right out my own door, and if only I had spent more sunny days walking with him "in the garden" and letting his creation usher His presence into mind.
Oh Great Lion, Oh Creator, if only a few moments we would dare walk on the path to where you are, we would find you are closer than we at first imagined.

So yeah, I took a walk outside today. Thinking about how everything I can think to do is so earthly and not nearly "reviving" enough to my soul. The money I've made cleaning has been spent, the days with friends have been spent focusing on entertainment, and when it's all stripped away I find myself thinking about the things eternal. Have I invested enough spiritually? What have I accomplished, truly?

I took a stroll by our apple orchard and examined the small fruit on the trees...some of the apples were rotting before they fully matured. And it made me think about my own "fruit", my "gifts" and the time I've been given...I don't want the fruit to rot on the tree.

"Ah, Please, Lord, mature my fruit. Water Me, and increase my usefulness for your Kingdom's purpose."

Candy is sweet, and so is pure fun, but it is really filler and I need meat to grow. There are those seasons when it feels like we're starving spiritually or emotionally, and the drought has come. Those hard seasons of toil, doubt, and petitions...last winter felt like one of those. But, now I feel like I'm sitting at the table. My friends have sat here by my side, and the Father sits here with us...And it's as if the King turns to us and says "My friends, eat and see".
So we pick up our forks, pass the plates, and dig in. And yet, despite how good the food tastes, it still never fills our stomachs. We stuff our faces, and yet the eating grows old, as our vessels remain empty.
After so long, we turn to Christ at the head of the table with questioning looks upon our faces.
And He smiles at us, with a knowing stare, and open's wide his arms. "Now...eat of me".
And in that moment we know the words for more than words, we have experienced what it is like to eat even of the good, and not be filled. For surely, if we eat of him we will never go hungry (be empty), if we drink of Him, we will never be thirsty (lacking refreshment). He says "I am the bread of life."

His words ring in my ear "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."

"Lord, teach us how to remain in you. Every hour, every day. To be mindful of you always, and in all we do, to honor you. It can be difficult to remain, as you know...so many distractions, so many other places we try to fill our hearts, but I know that what is most important is not in finishing my work, nor increasing my play...but growing in you every day. So fill my mind, and be by my side, whether I be out on the town, watching a movie, or having lunch...in all I do, I can grow closer to You, if only I am abiding in You."

So if you don't see me on Facebook for a few days, or using my phone...I just want to take some time to re-focus, and recharge.
 I love my friends, I love my hobbies, but I know that it God that makes these things great...and I need even more of Him if I want to make a difference in this life.

"Increase in Me, Father. Increase."

The Sky Burns Red: A random poem experiment (write from an imaginary character's perspective)

The sky burns red my darling,
The sky falls to my feet.
The sky plays dominoes with the darkness,
The sky bleeds.
Rivers in the allies, ponds splash my knees,
Empty strollers on the sidewalk,
Worried mothers desert and flee.


My shoes are soaked my darling,
From the crying of the clouds,
My brow is drenched with sorrows,
My heart is dark and crowded.
My shirt is the color of last Wednesday afternoon,
When the hills bloomed with clovers,
And my eyes bloomed with you.


It's easy to slip off my laces,
And leave these shells behind,
They're hardly of use to me now,
 That I know you're doing time.


I stomp through fields of stones,
Poke like needles at my toes,
I wipe the gravel dust from my cheeks,
And the snot from my nose.
Raged, worn, but I don't need my shine,
'Cause within me the war is ending,
Deep inside, I'm doing fine.

Cottages dot the land of my love,
Whispers beckon like a late summer's dove.
 I'd wish upon stars, and wells of pennies,
But it won't bring me back to when we were geniuses.


Time is a dancer, and she meets me at the turn,
I see her skirts of grey, and the names on her arms.
She made her way to where I was staying,
She stripped me of my old clothes,
And gave me fresh bedding.


Rabbits have holes, and birds have nests,
But there is no where for me to run from Mr. Distress.
I believe I've out witted his schemes tonight,
But I'll wait on the morning to tell you that I'm alright.
The sky broke open my darling,
And bombs dashed my promenade,
The sky was invaded, by dark fighter planes.


Fires in the allies, broken furniture in the streets,
Stolen cars on the bridges, children crying hopelessly.
Their shoes have traveled too many times,
To the basements and the cellars,
Their brows are creased with cares
And their coops full of feathers.
Their clothes are as pale
As the walls in which surround,
The frames have fallen off the nails,
And glass covers the ground.


It's easy to compare myself now,
And leave my doubts behind,
They're hardly of use to me now,
That I see they're dying.


I'd stomp through the front lines,
Just to see your face again.
I'd wipe the sweat of your head,
And the fear from your regiment.


Hospitals dot the land my love,
Refuge finds her way to my ear.
I'd carry her gifts to you,
Packages, and bottles of cheer.


Time is a deceiver, and he reaches for my hand,
I see his bony fingers,
But feels the tenderness of his hands.
I've decided to stop paying attention
To the ways of Mr. Vain,
He's skipped away in a hurry,
And scooped away the rain.


Owls have eyes,
And beasts their sense of smell,
But I wish I couldn't sense
This destructive mess at all.
I am my worst enemy,
Because I lead myself away,
Down to where the sky burns red,
And my imagination preys.


Come back to me, come back to me,
My love is dimming sweet dream of mine.
Come back to me, come back to me,
My mind is racing, my fears are lies.


The bombs explode my friend,
The bombs hit the street.
The bombs burst in the darkness,
I fall to my knees.
I repent of my wandering,
Crawl to my bike and

Retreat...retreat...retreat...

Feelings of Envy?: Firstfruit Offerings

Sunday, April 27th
I'm gonna talk about several topics in this blog post, 1. Feelings of envy, 2. Offerings.
As much as the story of Cain and Abel is about jealousy, I'm mainly sharing it here-in because it ties with the topic of 'half-hearted' offerings. Therefore, I want it to be known that I believe Cain did have an evil heart, and God did not treat 'Cain' poorly. Cain wanted something that was not rightfully his, 'God's approval' of something that was not God's will. In other words, Cain's pride got in the way, and he desired 'reward' for his 'lukewarm' offering. It is another story worth studying deeper. Cause 'motives' are everything...
                                                         
                                                                           ~*******~
                                                           
 There are those folk who somehow bring out the worst in us. I don't quite understand it, as fully as I will, but there are those folk who starve us to death of the love we desire, and instead of walking away with a broken heart...some of us turn green.
Yeah, like the wicked witch. She didn't start out wicked, she started out mistreated, and then she turned green with envy, pretty much 'cracked' over what we would call the last straw, when she discovered that she wasn't  'the favorite'. But she didn't start off evil, she started off abused. (Once Upon A Time, reference).

How can we wash ourselves from envy? How can we be healed at the root of the issue?

Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. ³ In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. ⁴ And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, ⁵ but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
⁶ Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? ⁷ If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
⁸ Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”^[d] While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
⁹ Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
¹⁰ The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. ¹¹ Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. ¹² When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.” Genesis 4

The first example of jealousy amongst men in the Bible. If you really look at the story, it sounds like Cain was not utterly, outwardly, wicked...he too was attempting to go through the motions of serving the Lord, and did bring an offering unto Him. But God judges not on merely the outward appearance of obedience, but on the heart. Obviously, Cain did not give to God what He had commanded. He did not make a blood sacrifice. (which Christ fulfilled by His death. The only spotless lamb of God.)
The Lord cannot be pleased with our half hearted offerings, and our lukewarm spiritual conditions. He is pleased with the sacrifice of the righteous, and those who humble themselves before Him.

How many times do we fail to give God, 'the first-fruits' of our lives? We give Him what is 'left over', or we try and 'tell Him' what we are willing or not willing to give Him, as if we run the relationship and God should 'wait' on us. Is not the whole purpose of sacrifice, whether it be the offering of 'praise', 'good deeds' etc...to put 'others' and 'God' before ourselves? Cain did not give God what He requested.

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. - Galatians 5:19-21

Sobering, isn't it? The angry man, the jealous man, the envious man, the man who causes divisions...does not inherit the Kingdom of God. How is this? Because one cannot serve the Kingdom or do what is right, when His motives are constantly ruled by un-godly emotions and the enemy's lies. And we all know that it is he who 'behaves' as a Christian, not just he who 'claims' Christ, that is a truly redeemed man.
And we can fall into sin, starting out by just feeling hurt...in can turn into anger, if we aren't careful, and surrender our wounds to the Lord.

He said to His disciples, "Offenses will certainly come, but woe to the one whom they come through! Luke 17:1
 
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. - James 3:16
And here we see further why jealous men and those with selfish ambition do not inherit the kingdom...because where there is jealousy there is room for every vile practice. Including murder...as we see in the case of Cain and Abel.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Cor 10:18
 
But God warns Cain, He tells Him "“Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? ⁷ If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” In other words, God clearly tells him that 'he must rule over the emotions inside of him', that if he does, that indeed was his way of escape from sin. Cain did not have to kill Abel, he chose that path, he chose to surrender himself to the "dark side" so to say. He chose hatred.
God also told Cain, that if he was doing right, and walking in the will of God, would He not reward him, and be pleased?

What Cain should have done...was of course, listen to God. Go purchase from someone else, or snatch up a lamb from his flock, and sacrifice it to God. But instead of being willing to go the extra mile, and make right with God, he let pride and anger overtake him...and let feelings of hatred for his righteous brother,overtake him...
          
If you are dealing with feelings of jealousy, or envy, there is a way of escape for you...I don't now about you, but I have experienced feelings of envy before, and they were horribly uncomfortable. I just couldn't walk in the joy of the Lord the same time I walked in the frustration of 'feeling less' than someone else. Like Cain, we all experience disappointment. There are times in our lives when our head hangs because we feel like 'we are treated less' or 'just as deserving' as someone else, but we don't receive the same reward, the same encouragement, the same applause. But be careful for pride...
  A lot of times what we don't realize we have the wrong motives, and that is why we are not rewarded. We are being humbled, or, it is possible we want something that is not meant for us to have.

A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. Proverbs 14:30
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. Proverbs 10:12

How does the enemy stop us from loving? I recently received a word for a spiritual elder in the faith, I don't know him very well, but God gave me word through him last night. He pointed to me and said "Young Lady....(there was a lot he said) but this was something that stuck out at me...he said..."You have a deep love down inside of you, but the enemy has tried to stop it"...
I wondered how in the world the enemy has tried to stop me from loving people, ever? But then while typing this blog post this morning, I realized something...the enemy does try to stop/hinder us from loving people full-heartedly, and how does he do that? By setting up 'offenses', or 'hurting me'. The enemy has tried to hinder me, by using people who truly don't reciprocate that love, to put me down.. But also, the enemy has known that the way to get to me, is through my weakness...not feeling appreciated. Because that feeling can cause me to retreat and/or crumble.
 I grew up with a very grateful and complimenting Mother, someone of whom you always felt loved by. But over the years, I have experienced what I call 'back stabbing' from friends who never showed me love. I would feel 'not good enough' for them, as I would give them the shirt off my back and they would openly favor others over me. And well, it starts off as hurt...and then it turns into envy...and then anger.
And this to an extent is what happened to Cain. But a lot of times this is just circumstances feeding a pride that is already birthed in a person's heart. Pride says "I deserve" everything. Pride says "I'm the best" and "How could I ever be treated in such a way?" Just think about what arrogance Cain had, to sacrifice grain rather than a lamb as God commanded? How could he imagine God would be pleased with him?

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. James 3:14-15
Ask the Lord to heal your heart from any pains of rejection from men. Ask Him to fill you with His desires for your life, those that will bring health and not death to your bones.
"You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. " James 4:2
 
Do not desire that which does not desire you...it's a hard thing to swallow. God desires you, therefore you know you can safely in-trust your heart to Him. But a lot of people set themselves up for heartbreak and jealousy, because they offer themselves up on the wrong altars...
whether that means packaging their 'gifts' from God wrong, and presenting them to the wrong crowds, or giving their hearts over to people who are not responsible enough to hold them without breaking them. We cannot expect God's blessing over something that is not His will.
The Lord provides a way of escape, whether that means walking with a different crowd, letting go of a false lover, or even leaving your career.
God does desire for us to feel loved. And we should 'always' feel loved, because we have a loving God. But at the same time, we need to ask God why we feel the lack of love, or envious of our brother or sister when they experience the love of somebody that we desire, but we never receive.
Listen, it's 'okay' to want to be loved. A lot of people have experienced what it is like to have a 'broken heart'. Just because you are feeling 'jealous' feelings, does not mean you are evil. Sometimes we just love a person so much, that we hurt when they do not see or care about us as we do them. And that pain is real. And of course you're going to feel angry when they notice say 'every other person' but you...The bible says that even God is a "jealous" God, of course not in the 'unloving sense', or the envy that leads to sin, but in the way that, he desires our whole- hearted  love, and it is normal for us human beings to desire 'that special person' who will love them and want to spend the rest of their life with them. This is the sort of "jealous affection" I have felt in the past...

But when we don't receive that reciprocated love...could it not be that sometimes God is perhaps protecting us from that which will harm us or is not meant for us? Does God not hold our lives/worlds in his hands?
Forgive your brethren, for most of them do not realize what they do. They do not purposefully favor others over you, it's just maybe they don't see a good thing when it's in front of them :P What you must also understand is 'Like attracts like'. If a person does not love you as much as their other friend, do not fret...it does not mean you are less a person. It just means they possibly see more of their selves in that other person. Doesn't mean you aren't super unique or amazingly beautiful. There are those out there who will love you for 'you'.

Don't be envious. Trust God. Keep loving and smiling even a midst the poor treatment in life, and one day you'll realize that everything we live for on this earth...it's all for the Lord. Therefore, He watches everything you do and say. And he sees when it is difficult for you to love, and there is greater reward in loving someone who is hard to love, when you have been most obviously mistreated by them...this does not mean that you purposefully hang around them to be battered and emotionally bruised, it just means that God sees when your heart is 'grateful' for what it 'does' have...and he will give more to he who is 'faithful with little'. Seek to make peace when possible, but also remember...you are dearly beloved of the Lord, and he shall reward the up-right. Give him your first-fruits, your best, what you hold most dear...

And trust that He is the best investment you could ever make.
Heb 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

And this is where we find the key, in which made Abel's sacrifice acceptable to God...and makes our offerings of dung of some worth. When we do all things for 'Christ' alone, we will be rewarded....but if we look for man's praise, or thrive only off of man's admiration...we will surely crumble and fall.

Hebrews 11:6 For without  faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who diligently seek Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and love with a selfless heart. Remember God loves you, and  "the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 83:11

He blesses the grateful. He blesses those who bless. He blesses those who hearts are not bound behind bars of jealousy and envy. For jealousy and offense makes the bones rot. But in the joy of the Lord is our strength. Do not have idols, whether those idols be other people, the desire for admiration etc...Love the Lord your God, and seek Him first, and all shall be added unto you.

We have to be willing to let go of the things of people that cause us negative emotions. It could be God's way of warning us that they are not meant for us. No man should endure torture just  for the sake of company. A lot of times what we're really feeling is just 'frustration' from 'lack of reciprocated love'.
We need to be willing to only 'seek after' that which is God's will, otherwise we will only be left strung up high and dry. God could not approve of Cain's offering, in the same sense God can not approve/bless our desires for love, with reciprocated admiration, from people who are not His will for us. We must be willing to let go, and heed His voice. He protects us, his children...and wants the best for us.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom 8:23

For The Love Of The Brethren: Grudges & The Gospel

I went to bed last night with heavy, and I mean heavy, thoughts on my mind...this blog post probably isn't going to be easy to write.
My heart is overwhelmed. I wish my words would evoke visions in the reader, then they could feel this tightness in my chest. One could call it suffering for the sake of the faith.

A lot of folk think suffering for the faith as mere persecution, but I tell you, many of us suffer or have suffered in ways no purely self- minded man could comprehend. Because when you have Christ, you have this love that the man who is not in Christ does not; he just doesn't feel it, and so he sees all things from the outside, the surface.
Unless you have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside you, you just can't know what it means to experience/encounter the spiritual and truly love people, nor truly understand what it means to love God. I say this from experience.  Loving God may just seem like 'obedience' to you, and 'doing the right thing', 'going to church or fellowship once a week, but it's deeper than that...

I know what it's like to try and transform people from the outside in. Because I have forgotten many times that you can not 'train' someone to have a love for God. You must experience His love for yourself, or you have no basis for your Christian faith. And it's the kind of love that can only be experienced if you've been 'born again'. If you don't know what that means, you should look into it. It's not something that can happen without faith; it is the transformation and re-creation of a man from the inside out. Christ said a man cannot obtain His Kingdom if He is not born again....if he is not changed.

So many of us at least 'believe' in God, but do we really 'know' Him? Do we even really 'want' to know Him? We are fools if we do not. For if so, we have only seen the religion of Christianity, and never known the man who died on the cross. What blind wayward sons we are...
But do we really realize what sin surrounds us? And do we see the sin in our own hearts?
Surely we are apt to judge our brother, and still not follow after God. We would rather judge others as the Pharisees, and not our own hearts. I speak of what I see in the body, I speak of what I see in men.

The other day was 'Easter', or 'Resurrection Day'...and it hit me like never before, what God wants of us. He desires our reverence, but above all He desires our love.  And many probably just saw Easter baskets, bunny rabbits, a cup and bread, but this celebration is all about God's grace towards us. "For God so 'loved' the world, that He gave His only begotten Son"....
There are tares that grow up among the wheat, because they claim belief in Christ, but do not follow Him in love. They stand with the wheat, and yet they have not completely surrendered their hearts. Have they not experienced the mercy of God? Have they believed that He is like men who do fail?


But the whole reason Christ had to die on the cross was for our stinking rotten sin, because we are fail-able, and ugly, and backbiting creatures without His atonement.
Christ forgave those who crucified Him on the cross, and yet we hold grudges against our brother. We see how he errors in our book, (many times we judge him for being things he is not) and then condemn him for those things.
We see the planks in other men's eyes, and not the one in our own.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.   Matt 7:2-5

Why do we do this? Because we are not 'In Christ' but rather blind hypocrites who judge our brother for stumbling in the exact area in which we ourselves swim. How can we judge our fellow brother of a lack of love, when we ourselves lack love to be understanding and extend grace/forgiveness to him? How can we judge our fellow brother of sin, when the very things he has shared with us are the things we struggle with ourselves? How can we judge our brother or being stuck up, when we ourselves will not even shake hands with someone who offends us? What kind of people are we to judge, judge, judge, from the outward appearance of things?
Surely we should consider that it is not of God.

We are in danger of becoming Pharisees. And the Pharisees were the most religious of men...but their hearts were not toward Christ and loving others, they were only on themselves.
They taught the law but did not practice some of the most important parts of the law - justice, mercy, love. They presented an appearance of being 'clean' (self restrained, not involved in carnal matters) yet they were dirty inside: they seethed with hidden worldly desires, carnality. They were full of greed and self-indulgence. And they exhibited themselves as moral and yet wore masks to hide their secret inner world of ungodly thoughts and feelings. But above all, they hated the righteous man. They seen not Christ as He approached them, but rather only observed him to find fault.

Is this the way of the Master? Did not the Son of God, the one we should be imitating...have mercy on an adulterer? Did He not humble himself to die on a cross with the thieves? Did he not eat and drink with sinners for the sake of the Kingdom? Surely He did, and was hated for his actions. Because man looks only on the outward appearance and not on the heart. The Pharisees judged Christ cause he drank and ate with the ungodly for the sake of sharing the gospel with them. They thought he was stuck up and blasphemous for saying 'He was the Son of God', they hated him for 'healing on the Sabbath day', and any other reason they could possibly find...What I wonder is did the Pharisees always 'look' for reasons to disapprove of Christ, or was it their own uncleanliness of soul, and their own dirtiness that convicted them whenever they saw Jesus, and caused them to pick at Him?
And you may say, how are we like the Pharisees? Or say something like "Surely, I would never do that to Christ or act towards Him as those men did"....but has not Christ said, "What you do unto the least of my brethren, you have done unto Me?"
How will the world know we are His children? By our love for the Brethren.

Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community of friends that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. James 3:17-18

But you may say; "There are some I know that don't deserve to be treated with respect, because I see their sin." Malarkey. Search your own heart, and you may discover that the real root of your offense with others, is that you are looking at the carnal things, and seeing things in light of the 'law' rather than the gospel and mercy. And that the very things you judge another man of, are really on evident to you, because those are your same sins. It has been said, that the very things that a man is tempted to judge others for unjustly, are the things that are within himself. Or the very things that stand or sicken him in others, are the things he would fall into without Christ.
For example: A man judges another or being a 'holier than thou' when he himself thinks he is 'holier than he'. A man judges another or being a 'hypocrite' and yet he himself does not follow the commands of God or lifestyle of detachment from the world.

43“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48

Christ makes us new creations, and it is only by living in Him, and standing in His love that we can even address sin as it is. We need to repent of judging others, when we ourselves our even more wicked than they. But surely there is another reason for this...
Perhaps those who have a tendency to judge others, do so only because they are 'looking to others' instead of God. They are looking to others as God, and then when they fail them, they pack up their bags, and throw in the towel. But, this is not Christianity, nor is it a "house built upon the rock", but rather a faith built upon the shifting sand.

The whole point of the gospel is this...Man is sinful, and God is good. And the only thing that makes man good, is God. And as followers of Christ we are to imitate Christ....the same Christ who died and sacrificed, came down from his throne, for SINNERS.
And we find a few marks wrong with our brother, and judge him...and what are we truly doing? Judging the Man on the Cross. Because there is NO condemnation in Christ for those who are in Christ, born into his life by faith and baptism, right? Meaning, we judge others as if they are not covered by the blood of Christ. What we do not see, is that "He who knew no sin, because sin for us, and died in our place". We need to get over our offenses, and when we do see sin in our fellow brother's life...we should pray for him, because 'that' is WJWD.

And why is my heart heavy? My heart is heavy, because I see that there are many un-redeemed 
 believers among us. And how do I perceive that? Because they have not love nor the grace to forgive their brother, and because they look to people as the foundation of their faith, and not Christ himself. Therefore they do not know the gospel, because the gospel is 'Christ, and Him alone'. And if your faith is in anything else than it is bound to fail, and your world is bound to crumble.
If your eyes are not on Christ, you will only see other people's faults. The man who's eyes are on Christ prays for his brother in sin, his heart hurts for his soul, because He has the love of the Lord flowing through his veins.

It's all about love.

1 John 3:
10By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

11For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 12We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. 13Do not be surprised, brothers,^c that the world hates you. 14We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

16By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

What greater love has a man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends?

But you may not feel love for the un-lovable. Your heart may be bitter with the hurt of friends who let you down, or perhaps a congregation who failed you.

Remember the root of this is love. All your heart really wants is to feel loved, and to belong.

If you let down your offenses, and forgive your brother. Christ will then be able to forgive you of your sins.  Matthew 6:15: But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

We can only inherit the Kingdom of God if we are His Children. And His Children are filled with His love, and the fruit of His Spirit. The Devil 'believes in God' it is not enough just to 'believe He exists', one must 'act like He does'. God is love. God is love. God is Love.

Perhaps we should consider if there is really the 'fruit of love' in our lives. 4" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil (or finding fault), but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor 13:4-7

It was Resurrection day, and all I could think about was what Christ did for us on the cross....and my heart wanted to sing to Him like to a lover. For I love Him...because He first loved me. He is a jealous God, and deserving of  my praise and of great admiration. For He is without fault, and humbled himself enough to wash the dirty feet of his followers. His example is for us to follow. To love the sinner and not the sin, to serve the least of his brethren, for the sake of the Kingdom.

And then it hit me like a wave...not everyone feels as I do. How? How could they not? Surely everyone must realize what a great sacrifice of love Christ made? Surely, it is widely known?

And there is that pain in my heart. Yes, I can physically feel it crushing. Not every man has known the love, has seen that love, believes that love, has received that love. Not every man has been redeemed and changed.

All that matters to me is that I see y'all in heaven. Because this earth will fade away, men will come and go, but when we all "Wake Up" we will realize that all that mattered in this life is how we loved others and whether or not we knew the true King of Kings.

When we're standing before a judgment seat, all we are going to want to do is make right all our wrongs, and it will be too late...too late to forgive, too late to love, too late to live a holy life.

In some ways I feel those lyrics "Wake me up when it's all over"...because I've always looked forward to eternity in my true home land. But, then I think about those other lyrics to the song "All this time I was finding myself, And I...didn't know I was lost".

Oh God! What inconsolable pain one would feel to come before you after this is all over, and realize that all the time they spent living and 'finding themselves' they never truly found 'You'...and they were 'lost' all the while, and never realized it.

God my heart is full.

Please, my dear friends. Be ye children of God on high. Repent of bitter hearts, of a lack of love for the brethren, for unforgivness, for judging when you should be praying, for looking to others, when you should have been looking to God. For not being grateful for what the Messiah did for you on the cross. The blood flows down the tree....

I want to see you in paradise. Truly surrender your lives to the Lord. Ask God to be "born again" ' to be changed from the inside out. Do me the biggest favor you could ever do, relieve me of my pain, and be 'assured' you are going to heaven. Forgive your Debtors, and ask a new for the Savior to come into your heart and wash you clean. We cannot inherit eternal life if we do not have His Spirit nor walk in His righteousness.

“Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.^a ”

4“How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”

5Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit^b gives birth to spirit. 7You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You^c must be born again.’ 8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”^d John 3:4-8

Remember I only share this with you my  brethren because I care, and want you to be in paradise when I get there.I may share this post with many, just because I feel this heavily on my heart to share this with His people, as an admonition.

The Lord asks "Are you mine?"

How do we know we are His?

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

"And this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." 1 John 3:16

If you do not truly understand what Jesus did for you on the cross, if you have not identified yourself with it, nailed your old self on the tree with Christ, and been re-created by redemption...than how can you love? And it is the man who loves that is of God, and will live with Him in eternity.

Do you have eternal life?
Do you have love?
Have you truly surrendered all to Christ?
He won't let you down like man will.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

13This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19We love because he first loved us. 20Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

"Hey Brother, know the water's deep, but (His) blood is thicker. And oh if the sky comes falling down for you, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do. And if you're far from home, o brother I will lead you home, and if you lose it all, o sister I will hear you call...there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do." - Hey Brother, Avicii

Dirty Words: Reflections of the Inner Man

October 2013
How to begin...Recently I've asked the Lord, to show my why "cuss words" are truly unacceptable. It seems like a strange question I know, but lately I feel like it is really relevant that I have a strong understanding on the topic. Based on the reality that I'm starting to meet people who use "filthy" words, or listen to them, without flinching. And let's be honest, when you begin to hear or read these words over and over again, as much as you try to eliminate their mark, your brain starts to consider them as word choices. Now, I'm not saying that I personally am desensitized to "foul language", because if I could have my way I'd put a bar of soap in the mouths of all those who need a cleaning. But, the truth remains, words get stuck in our heads...and some people just think that "swearing" or throwing out some off color words is not only acceptable, but powerful.

Why do I say "powerful"? Well, one reason is that, a lot of people use dirty or rebellious words to prove their points. They feel bad, well they need to express how "bad" they really feel...Words have power, sometimes more than we give them credit for. We all could agree that words can either lift up or tare down.

But what is more powerful is the motivation behind the words, which is what forms them. What is at the root of why people use crude words? Well, let's step back a moment...
 Most of us who grew up in good Christian homes were taught not to "curse", and didn't hear those words around our houses. But perhaps when we stepped off "home plate" we were introduced with such language at school or by meeting people who didn' t hold the same standards as us or our Parents. Yet, there are other ways we may have picked up dirty words, whether  in music, in movies, or on TV...A lot of Parents, especially after their children reach a certain age, do not monitor or even know what sort of media their offspring are being taught/influenced by.

What I've noticed about these 'words' that are often called 'curse words' or 'profain words'. They are 'judgmental', 'dirty' and or 'hopeless'- in their definitions. No, I'm not just judging them from my own perspective. Just look up the definitions. And any man that truly considers words will tell you that calling someone a 'name' is obviously either 'judgmental', 'insensitive', or 'careless'.
Some people enjoy 'name calling' using these lower class words, but they excuse themselves by saying  "I don't mean it"...
I grew up being taught that as the bible says "Let your nay be nay, and your yes be yes"...Do not say things you do not mean. Mean what you say, so that men can trust your words. 

To me there is 4 types of people who use 'dirty words'.
1. The Person Who Knows Better, but slips up
2. The Person Who Isn't Convicted/convinced they are wrong
3. The Person Who Doesn't know better, is naive
4. The Filthy Minded Person
5. The Rebel - Who Knows better, but purposefully opposes

Now back to my point...What is that 'power' behind "curse words"? And what is the 'motivation' behind "crude words"? If there has been something that God has shown me more over recent years, is that the way we judge something to be right or wrong, is by it's motivation, and it's purpose.  So here's the question to those who do use the "lesser vocabulary", or let a word slip out in anger from time to time....How do you feel when you say an off color or filthy word? How does it feel as it comes out of your mouth? Think about this. I'm not asking you whether or not it makes you feel 'guilty' or not. I'm asking you what you think is the motivation behind that word spoken. When something doesn't go as you'd like for it to go, when you get stuck in traffic on the way to an important meeting, when you trip over your younger sibling's toys and end up in pain...and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is a negative reply...I'd say 'anger' is a big motivator for speaking filthy words.

 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. - Prov 14:29

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.  Proverbs 19:11

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools. Ecc 7:9

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of men does not produce the righteousness of God.  - James 1:19-20

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. Prov 16:32 

Matthew 5:21-23 You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

Words spoken in anger are dangerous. Words spoken in anger can be all together filthy. God would rather us keep our mouths shut when we are angry and not open them in wrath.

But what are some other reasons we will speak perverse, ugly or just dirty words? 

1. Anger
2. Selfishness
3. Rebellion
4. Bitterness
5. Filthiness

I know I'm not going to have enough time to cover each one of these categories I've mentioned...so for now now I will just leave you with this thought. That a emotions and motivations are what determine and cause words to come forth. So we should be willing to check our hearts, and look beyond the surface as to 'why' we do what we do. And as Ephesians 4:29 says "Let not any unwholesome word come forth from thy mouth, but only that which is uplifting and fitting....Let us speak words of life, and words of beauty. It definitely makes a difference.